The Right Reasons

I started this blog for all the right reasons, but posted for a lot of the wrong.  Constantly worried about who was clicking on my page and their judgments upon me, I posted jokes and nonsense.

I recently found a blog by Kelle Hampton.  Enjoying The Small Things is filled with raw emotions.  There's no shame because the reality is, we all feel "that way" sometimes.  I also happened to find this blog at a time that I really needed it.

Things have been rough.  Yup, that cry on the drive home after just leaving work and tears stopping just before the daycare to pick up Katarina.  I was left with just enough time between the tears to try and clean up my face before seeing that sweet smiley face.  Oh how I love that face!

I wish I could pin-point what has been so rough.  It's a combination of things.  I recently realized I actually like my job.  I'm good at it (just ask me), but like any job, it has it's rough days.  More so, school hasn't been the easiest.  Once Katarina goes to bed, I'm reading up on marginal costs, marginal revenue, demand, supply, adverse selection, and everything else economic related. 

I've also been ridiculously tired. As in, sleep all night, nap on the weekend, yet still unable to function tired.  I almost thought I needed to see a doctor, and those of you that know me know that I do not go to the doctor.

And the breaking point?  It all started when my boss told me that his wonderful amazing wife agreed to watch Katarina for the night so I could go to a special dinner honoring the completion of my CPCU designation.  Prime rib, open bar, and a goodie bag to top it all off!  Sounds great, right? 

And then suddenly you realize that it's going to go past your 7:30pm bed time.  And you really can't fathom taking your boss' wife up on the offer to watch the little one because she already had a 2 year old and a 6 month old at home.  But mostly, you know your body just can't do it and still function properly the next day.  I knew that I couldn't even take 3 hours to myself - not even 3 hours.

Then the tears start... And it has nothing to do with Katarina.  I would prefer to do something with her than anything else in the entire world.  Honestly, it's weird how that happens and you love such a precious human being more than anything in the whole world!

But I suddenly realized that I can't even find a way to have a single night out to myself, and the tears continue.  Of course this feeling will come and go - and it's a fair feeling that many have felt.  Especially the single mom that just once wants to realize they forgot something at the store and be able to just run out the door, keys in hand, and not have to take the little one along.

And then something happens.  Something so small to this one person, yet it meant the world to me.  A text.  A single text that says "do you have plans this afternoon?"  Two texts later, and she's on her way, to your rescue, and doesn't even know that it's been rough lately.

She shows up, an angel to say the least, and I mention something about needing stamps.  She says, you go out and do what you need to do and I'll hang out here with Katarina.  She loves Katarina and is the best non-Aunt Auntie around!  We end up out to dinner, my first dinner out since September 18th (I checked) and I had 3 martinis (AMAZING!) and we ended the night with some good ole' Rummikub.

And now I'm revived!  Thank you so much - You know who you are and words will never be able to thank you enough for all that you do for us.