And The Cards Fell - Right In To Place

There are a few times in life where you look back at a series of events and think "wow, I can't believe those decisions that were made were so incredibly perfect."

I recently reconnected with an old friend from college.  She's quite an amazing person and mother to a sweetheart of a 2 1/2 year old little girl.  We were chatting one night and I realized something - I made, or others made, decisions for me that ended up being the most amazing and important decisions of my life this far.

First, I get pregnant.  Ok, decision one - good idea.  Well, you know what I mean.  Maybe not planned, but ended up being a wonderful thing.

So, I'm pregnant.  Boyfriend sucks - royally.  I talk to a few friends... ok, tons of friends.  I think about a few things and then I put my foot down with the boyfriend on one topic.  I'm naming her.  Not you, me.  I pick it (and good thing too because he told me some awful name which I refuse to repeat because I might offend someone, but I was not a fan).  And, she's taking my last name.  Booyah!  Decision two made!  And when that first doctor's appointment came and I had to write down her name and mine, there was no doubt she belonged to me and it just felt right.  School's going to be much easier when the teacher calls - wait, the teacher had better not call!

Next decision - court!  Yup, we were quasi trying to see if maybe we could or couldn't, blah blah blah, work things out after she was born.  But I told him, I was taking him to court either way.  Child support would be court ordered and so would custody.  I had met with an attorney when I was 7 months pregnant and everything was all set.  He knew I had done this and was not happy, but my mind was made up and he wasn't changing it.  No matter what, everything was going to be done legally.

But when it came to court, there were three decisions to make: 1. Custody 2. Placement 3. Visitation.  

I wanted to have placement (which meant she lived with me) but I was all up for joint custody (which meant big decisions were made jointly - such as school, medical, religion etc).  Yes, believe it or not, I felt that she was ours, not mine, ours.  We share her and raise her as best we could together.  But he had other plans.  He wanted nothing to do with her and he made it quite clear one day when he told my attorney to just give him to the papers so he can sign over all rights and have nothing to do with her.  After my attorney politely informed he'd still have to pay child support, he decided it made no sense to give up all rights.  But basically he did anyway.  He told me I could have sole custody and I figured, hey, why not?  And when it came to visitation, we agreed that dates and times would be upon agreement of both parties.  Which meant, he didn't want to visit her.  I can't imagine what would have happened if we had set joint custody and set visitation.  My life would be devastated - it would be completely different than it is now, and not for the better.

And finally, the decision, to be done.  Done with the lies, the dishonesty, and done with being hurt.  This too was a tough decision.  Even after all the hurt, it was still not easy to stop begging him to be a father and let him go on his way.  I had to let him go to be myself again and to raise my daughter.

And now that my heart is completely healed and I feel so completely fulfilled with joy and happiness, I look back at all these decisions and can't believe it.  I can't believe how lucky I am that she has my name, she's all mine, and that I became so strong.  To put it simply, the cards.... well, they just fell in to place.  They landed exactly where they were supposed to and I'll never look back.