Katarina's Mom: So, You Just Found Out You're Pregnant

Disclaimer: This is what worked for me. Every situation is incredibly different and people deal with life differently. This is my advice and feel free to disagree because this may not be the way everyone wants to handle it.

So, you just found out you're pregnant. And the guy, well, he's kind of there, kind of not, and you're not really sure what the future holds. What next? This is my advice, or well, this is what I did.

First, acknowledge the fact that you're pregnant. Want to know how I did this? I took five pregnancy test... FIVE! I even bought the expensive kind that spells it out: "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant"

Now, if you think that's enough for me to realize I"m pregnant, think again. I then called the doctor. I wanted blood work! Yup, call me crazy but five tests weren't enough and I wanted undeniable proof that a little one was in there. Blood work came back - it's official. I was pregnant.

After the first test, I told the father. In person (he lived in my building, it was easy to find him and he knew I might be). I then called my mom, told my sister in person, told one of my best friends. I knew I'd need support. Please tell your family - don't wait to tell your immediate family. They might not 100% agree with you, but they will unconditionally love you and when others may turn their back, they will still be there. I was lucky that I had many friends stick with me through it all as well.

Once I was far enough along, 12 weeks, I told everyone else. This turned out to be a good idea, for me. I had many people not accept the fact that I was pregnant. I had people tell me "you play you pay" and I should "consider abortion" or my favorite "didn't you use protection" (obviously not enough). My partying friends, they were gone - I was too tired and drinking while pregnant is a pretty bad idea. Figuring out early who was with me for this pregnancy early on helped me survive the 40 weeks of pregnancy (yes, 40 weeks - almost 10 months. And no, it does not fly by when things stink. Not one bit. It's the longest 40 weeks. They make it that long so that you can get yourself ready - it's a good thing)

Now, if you think this makes you acknowledge you're pregnant, think again! Took me 18 weeks. You read correctly - 18 weeks. The beginning was dealing with acceptance, but I knew I'd had enough surprises and was not going to wait until delivery to find out if it was a boy or girl. I found out I was having a girl at my 18 week ultrasound. That was it. That's when I truly realized I was pregnant. That's when I totally, completely, and utterly LOST IT!

Freaked out. I mean FREAKED OUT! I cried and cried and cried. I had a one bedroom condo consisting of 938 sq ft. I had all hardwoods - not one bit of carpet. I didn't have a yard for her to play in. I live in a city. This was no place to raise a little girl. No place at all. Well, at least that's what I thought. HA! We're still here and doing great even with only 938 sq ft and no yard.

As early as possible, figure out your finances. I stopped putting money in to my Roth IRA and instead started a money market account for the rainy days. I was still earning interest and investing, but with the money market account, the money was liquid. If I needed it, it was available. I need the extra cash, if you don't, don't sacrifice your retirement.

So, things sucked. My outlet? Facebook. Yup, I posted about my switch over to Timeline. Pick your own outlet. Text to a friend? Journal? Don't get me wrong. People will judge you if you use Facebook. They will wonder why you're utilizing a public forum to share such personal information. But when I put out there how much things stunk, I received love and compassion from so many. The ones that judged don't respond to your posts. They hide behind their computers. Remember, you now have more important things to worry about. Like sanity. And how to decorate the baby's room.

Another outlet? A good friend who lived in my building. We went to dinner every. single. Wednesday night. It was consistent and without fail. I complained and we laughed. She told me what a jerk he was and I agreed. She was my outlet. She is amazing! Find a friend. Find a family member. Find a therapist. Find someone to talk to! Be honest with yourself. The person you talk to, make sure you can be yourself with and truly honest.

About three months before she was due, I contacted an attorney. Yes, attorneys are expense, but guess what, talk is free, even with them. I contacted a friend of mine who was an attorney in a nearby state who recommended someone to me. I've previously blogged about how things worked out and this was in large part to me preparing for the court aspects of things. Read that post. Pick out the name yourself. Use your last name. Determine whether he should be on the birth certificate and know your state laws of the consequences of adding him. Attorneys can guide you on some of this. Get the court stuff worked out early. We went as soon as I returned from my six week maternity leave in Alabama. It assures you child support (or action if he doesn't pay) and lays out his rights (if any).

Decorate the room early enough so that you're all organized in advance. You don't want to be painting and figuring out where things go after the baby arrives. I did it at 35 weeks. I knew she would be ok if she was born then and I still was able to get everything ready with plenty of time. I did do one (of many) really stupid things. I painted her room by myself. I live in a loft. I have 14 ft high ceilings. Dumb! Oh, and I also keeps things minimal. Remember the 938 sq ft I mentioned? Yea, well lots of toys don't help. I have a very small bookcase of toys and that's it. That's all she needs. Plus, I hate cleaning and the less you have, the less you have to clean. You don't want to go crazy cleaning pregnant or with a little one around.

Our Toy Bookshelf

I also didn't plan anything like the birth. Why? I mean, this sounds crazy, right? Well, I knew that if I planned everything out and then suddenly it doesn't go as planned, I might not do so well with it. So I decided I'd get an epidural, if I wanted one at the time. And I'd get a C-section if the doctor said I needed one. And I'd just go with the flow. It all worked out and you can read all about her birth story.

The hardest thing to decide is how you're going to deal with the father's involvement. Will he be a good dad? Can you parent together? Will he stick around? Can you communicate? Do you have the same views on religion, medical care, schooling? If he treats you poorly, will he treat the child badly? Trust me, you CAN do it alone. You might have to. And guess what, your child will not suffer in the slightest because of it. Yes, Father's Day could be a little tough - but more for you realizing what's going on rather than your child.

Take the 40 weeks you get to plan, organize, and mentally get a grasp on things. ASK FOR HELP! Get used to asking for help! People do not mind! It took me forever to figure this out. My friend Liz thought I was nuts when I felt bad asking her for help - she loves it! Guess what, my friend is coming over in just a few minutes to watch munchkin so I can go for a run. And grocery shopping, oye! It wasn't the actual shopping, it was bringing the groceries inside. What do I do now? Ask a neighbor to babysit while I go.

Finally, ask for a nice camera as a baby shower gift - and I'm talking a nice one, not a point and shoot. It's worth it to capture every moment.